Double the Fun

"Oh my goodness, really...?", was the text I got back from Aric. For some reason I still wasn't too thrilled, even though his reaction was a lot more positive than mine. He called me, and actually sounded excited. Two vertical red lines still there? I was hoping one would some how magically disappear. Nothing magical ever happened. It was time to soak up reality, I was about to have a baby if I was ready again or not.

YUCK, this puking was getting out of hand. I was pretty dehydrated. I had been to the E.R eight times in two weeks for fluids and I was prescribed Zofran but it didn't seem to have an affect on my puking. The sickness was horrible, I could barely function, I could tell this pregnancy was going to be some what comparable to my pregnancy with Kaylee. I was hopeful that it is was just morning sickness, and I would not be like this my whole pregnancy. Finally, I was about to go to my first doctors appointment, I was getting an ultrasound too(every pregnant woman's favorite thing at the doctors)! I was excited. Aric and I were finally at terms with the fact that we had made a beautiful baby, at this point we just prayed for a healthy baby. Even though I had not finished school, we knew we would eventually want a baby sometime together in the future. Let's just say God just wanted this baby to come sooner rather than later. The whole 30 minute car ride was great, I only puked once, which was a small amount considering my last two weeks. After I puked, I remember how we joked about how funny it would be if it was twins(little did we know), silly names, and who the baby would take after.

We got to the doctors office, I was pretty nervous but so excited. The wait seemed like forever. I read over probably four magazines, nothing seemed to catch my attention. "ASHLEY", I looked up, "ASHLEY R.?". "Yes, that is me" (with a big smile on my face). We had some conversation but nothing important, they weighed me and like always I hated the number I saw and it was all I could think about until she said, "Alright, right this way.". I walked into a room with a big flat screen T.V mounted on the wall, a brown cushioned bed with white tissue paper draped over top, a computer in the right corner, and then the ultrasound machine. She asked me my basic info, last day of my last menstrual period, any complications so far, and more about my Mirena. I was nervous when she brought up Mirena, I was scared, scared something could go very wrong since I was on Mirena when I got pregnant. I know she was talking to me, but in all honestly I have no idea what she was saying for about 30 seconds because my mind began to wonder about possible complications of being pregnant with Mirena. Well, that was until I heard, "This may be a little cold.". It certainly was cold, and made me jump a little. HAHA. "We have to do a vaginal ultrasound, you may not be far enough long", was the next thing I heard until, "Oh, wait, hold on,I got something". She then stopped the ultrasound, "I am going to go grab someone to confirm something". She left the room. My heart was racing, something had to be wrong, my poor baby!! I stood up and puked in the trash, wiped my mouth and just bit my nails until she came back. She started right back up, moving all around my belly, and measuring all this stuff, and humming a tune. Man, I wish I could understand what she was measuring in the ultrasound. " You see this right here, that is a heart beat", I smiled and my nerves finally calmed down, "Everything is okay, right". She replied," I don't see anything wrong, I see a miracle: here is another heart beat.".  I paused, did I hear this right, "ANOTHER?".  "Yes, yes you are having TWINS!!" I cried instantly!!! I had not prepared myself for this, I was hardly ready for one let alone two babies at one time. I broke down in a hysterical cry. While sobbing I was able to spit out,"Please go grab my boyfriend, YOU have to tell him... I just can't." He walked in the room, he looked at me and he knew something "wasn't right", I rarely cry. She told him, all he said, "Really?". How could that be all he had to say? He proceeded to smile at me, the smile I fell completely in love with almost a year ago. I couldn't help but be happy! However, I was pretty silent for the next 15 minutes. I was in shock, I couldn't imagine life with twins! Do I even have the patience for twins?

Guess, I was about to find out!

Baby A and Baby B.
Due Sept 18th (first due date given)

Part 2 of 4. (stay tuned for more)

This is not the easy way out.

At the end of the average day I am exhausted both mentally and physically, my feet hurt, my head is pounding, my eyes burn, and my back is aching. My once perfect hair is now a mess and my make up (if I had time to put it on) has faded, along with all my energy. Sometimes I feel unappreciated and I am underpaid, but I absolutely love my job and the fact that I get to do it all over again tomorrow.

Have you guessed what I am yet? Did you say-- Caretaker, Nurse, Artist, Photographer, Housekeeper, Teacher, Cook, Taxi, Counselor, Laundry Aide, Hair dresser, Referee, Stylist, Nutritionist, and a MOTHER. 

Yes, I am a stay at home mom(SAHM), and right now I wouldn't have it any other way.  My day is not as easy as it may seem, and this is not the easy way out. I feel as if lots of people look at stay at home moms as almost worthless, when in reality we do it all, plus more then the average job. I do not work 9am - 5am, I work 24 hours. I am on-call at all times. There are nights when I get no sleep and continue to go, go, go until the next evening in hopes for at least three hours of  rest. As disgusting as it sounds, I don't always have time to shower every day either. I hear lots of people saying "you don't do much if you don't bring in any money or pay any bills". It puzzles me that people think like that, I save my fiance and I thousands of dollars in child care each year. I refuse to work until the twins have hit kindergarten, and that is because I refuse to miss a single precious moments my kids will do for the first time, I feel lucky to be able to do this. 

The word failure is very commonly used to described a SAHM, just because I do not have a paying job does not mean I(or you) am not making something of myself. My children look up to me as the most amazing person in the world. I am the person they run to for everything. I AM A HERO! Everyone grows up wanting to being a hero. And for all of you who said my life was over for having kids, HAHAHA, kids don't end your life( I feel sorry for your children if you feel that way), MINE ARE JUST THE BEGINNING, of something great. I do not think working plus holding down a house hold is in any way easy, I salute you working mothers/fathers, and I salute single mothers/fathers that have to work(I have been in your shoes). I just want to stick up for SAHM who hear a lots of crap about not doing anything all day. Sad thing is, we hear this nonsense from mothers, fathers, or non parents that have never done what we have done. I LOVE MY JOB, A STAY AT HOME MOM.  







"You will never have this day with your children again. Tomorrow, they will be a little older than they were today. This day is a gift. Breathe and notice, smell and touch them; study their faces and little feet, and pay attention. Relish the charms of the present. Enjoy today mama, it'll be over before you know it."
- Jen Hat maker

Blood isn't always thicker than water.

I never thought I would put myself in the situation of being a step parent because I have always looked at myself as selfish. I love what is mine and I am passionate about it!

Let me give a little background information on Jayden first.

Jayden was pretty much raised by Aric and Aric's mother and father before we met. Unfortunately, for Jayden's biological mother; she left Aric and Jayden and never came back. I can understand leaving a spouse but I don't think I could ever understand leaving a child. He really only trusted Aric, Grandma, and Grandpa when we met... but who can blame him?

When I first met Aric we both avoided our children meeting each other. We didn't want to introduce them both to someone that may not be around for a while. WHICH I THINK IS BEST FOR ANY SINGLE PARENTS DATING. I think it can mess with their heads and can cause attachment issues, which I did not wish upon his son, let alone my daughter. It was time for me to meet Jayden... I was excited! I was about to meet this handsome little boy I had only heard stories and seen pictures of! I knew this was a big step for our relationship and I was ready. I was having a big cook out at my house that weekend and we both invited a bunch of friends over. I was anticipating the moment Aric and Jayden would arrive at my house. I was excited but still very nervous. Little did I know getting this boy to trust and love me was not going to be easy!  

At first our relationship went well, really well! He attached to me quickly! I loved it and I was so overjoyed that I was able to be in his life. Jayden and I started hanging out every weekend!! Soon, I quit my job and stayed home and watched Jayden and Kaylee full time. I also think that is when Jayden started to notice me more as care taker and his fathers "girlfriend". He didn't like the fact that his father had to split his attention with not only me but Kaylee as well. I couldn't blame him though especially after all he went through as an infant and his life was just starting to seem normal and then Kaylee and I came into the picture. The behavior became more of an issue the first year of Aric and I dating. I blamed myself, I took him from his father, and he has a right to act like this. It soon lead me to be distant with Jayden. I felt like he hated me, when really all he needed was extra love. When I found out I was pregnant I knew something had to change! The outbursts, the hitting, the yelling, the "you are not my grandma... I don't have to listen to you", and the distance needed to be fixed and fast.  I wanted a family and a family with all four of the kids! I would never allow Kaylee to be distant from the family and I could not allow that with Jayden. When Aric and I moved together we decided to become a family... I needed to make sure my family was emotionally and mentally safe. I thought for days on how I could build a strong relationship with Jayden. When I was hospitalized for most of pregnancy is was hard and when the twins were born it was like I had to start from square one with him because he went to living basically at Grandma's and he would only visit me on the weekends. I was heartbroken! Finally, I just said I need to do this, I need to stop trying to be his friend and I need to be his mother! I did just that. I began to love this child more than I could ever imagine loving a child that wasn't mine! How I let him get so distant from me, I don't know because the more we bonded on a level of mother and son I soon couldn't imagine my life without him! Such a sweet, sensitive, adorable, VERY SMART, and loving boy! I felt so lucky to be the mother to this handsome boy! Jayden soon began to call me mom! The moment he called me Mom for the first time my heart exploded! I wanted to snuggle him forever! I knew our relationship was on the level that I wanted. It took so much time but it paid off. I am not just a mother to three kids; I am a mother of four! Even though Aric and I aren't married yet... I am Jayden's mother and I wouldn't have it any other way!

Here are Four important things I did to build my relationship with Jayden.

1. I stopped trying to be his friend, I became his mother.

A friend can love someone but only a mother can love someone unconditionally. A mother is forgiving for all faults and flaws. You have to let go of mistakes the child makes. They are still learning as child would naturally and still learning how this MOTHER AND SON relationship is built (just like you are). LOVE your step child! When the child cries, don't ask why (all the time) just give hugs, kisses, and show extra love. You cannot expect the child to want to open up to you if the child doesn't feel loved by you! Trust is built by the feeling of love. Positive reinforcement is a great way to show love too! I am not saying don't discipline but pick and choose your battles (this goes for all parenting step or not)!

2. Mommy and Child dates. 
You need to spend extra time with your child. Depending how late you come into the child's life you have a lot to make up for when it comes to trust! You need to show that child you are there for him or her! You need to show them you aren't just about making rules in his/her life but you can be fun and you enjoy doing fun things together.

3. Equality.
Make sure you never let your step child not feel equal to anyone in the house! That will cause serious mental and emotional issues. NO ONE PERSON IS GREATER THAN THE OTHER!
4. Constancy.
All children need constancy, that is how they learn.  There will be trials when it comes to being a step parent (like everything in life) but  it is totally worth it in the end not to give up. 

With all this being said, I am so very lucky to have Jayden in my life! He is living proof that blood isn't always thicker than water. He has taught me so much about myself! I do not look at Jayden as my step son, if someone asks he is my son!! I have three beautiful girls and one handsome son! I would have never had a little boy to call mine if it wasn't for Jayden. He has given me such a great gift in life, and I feel so blessed to have four faces looking up at me to call me, MOM!  <3

Jayden and I! We had a mommy and son date to SweetFrog!

Are you a step parent? Have you ever been a step parent? What would be the hardest thing for you to over come as a step parent? 

Two Vertical Red Lines.

TWO VERTICAL RED LINES

Man did those seven months feel like seven years. Let’s hope I can hold back my tears, because truth be told--it was one HELL of an emotional ride.

Let’s start with when Aric and I had our first big step in our relationship.  Oct 28^th 2011, Aric had finished his time served in the military, we had been dating only seven months. When Aric and I met our relationship moved pretty fast and it had seemed as if we were together for over a year at this point. We both walked into our relationship knowing we had children from another relationship in our past, we both knew if we got serious we both pretty much would turn into a family of four, OVER NIGHT.  We both had no fears though, we knew that our hearts had led us to become one so we did just that, we got serious.  So Oct 31^st, we moved 3 hours away from where we met and started a life together. It has been one of the best things that has happened to us; we left behind a life of single parenting, horrible memories of our failed relationships, and our unstable lifestyles.  We were actually all just getting comfortable with each other living together and getting use to life as this small new family that grew overnight! Aric and I had talked about more kids in our future, but that was like six years down the road!! So everything was going very smooth; Aric got a new job and our family was becoming mentally and emotionally sound! We finally rang in the New Year and were so excited for what 2012 would have in store for us as a family! January 4^th I felt ill and very lazy, but I pulled it together because my 23^rd birthday was two days away. Aric tried to make my birthday perfect; we even got a sitter for Jayden and Kaylee. My night started out great, but when I got to the restaurant and I couldn’t eat my favorite meal, I KNEW SOMETHING WAS WRONG, but I just kept to myself. After the meal and pushing my food all around my plate I begged to go home rather than out to the bar for a few drinks.  If you are a parent you know how hard it must have been for me to beg to go home rather than enjoy a night out with my fiancé.  We stopped at a store on the way home and without Aric knowing I grabbed a pregnancy test because I wanted to throw the option of being pregnant out of mind fast!  Funny thing is, I wasn’t even late yet. I had my period less than 3 weeks before hand. I told myself if this feeling didn’t clear up in the next 48 hours, I would take the test. I felt like a 16 year old purchasing that pregnancy test. “There is no way I can be pregnant, I am not ready for this yet”, I remember saying over and over in my head until I fell asleep. The next morning Aric had to go away for a day for a work trip. While he was gone I had sent him a text telling him I picked up a pregnancy test. He said, “Why, you are not pregnant!”  Kind of just played it off in my text messages,  “Haha, just want to make sure. Plus you know how paranoid I am about things”. I was too scared to take it that day so I just went about my day actually almost forgetting all about taking the test…that didn’t last long though. I woke up at 3 am puking, I thought I was going to die.  I wasn’t even really puking anything either, no food just looked like spit. I stopped puking and this familiar taste had hit my tongue, it reminded me of my pregnancy with Kaylee.  At 4 am, I took the pregnancy test…(ARIC STILL NOT HOME) within 6 seconds.. it confirmed what I thought was a nightmare at the time… I WAS INDEED PREGNANT. How could I be pregnant, I have 3 years left on Mirena!? Oh yea, I forgot to mention I was mirena for birth control.  I still haven’t finished school, which is what I wanted before I had any more kids, and now worried how I am going to tell Aric. Neither of us were ready for this! I remember how sick I was with Kaylee and couldn't imagine going through that again(little did I know I was going to be 100 times more sick this time).  I went back to bed and stared at my phone, opened my text messaging app.. “Hey Handsome, Good Morning! I can’t sleep, I woke up sick. It is not a stomach bug, I am pregnant!” What the hell was I supposed to tell him? I laid in bed for hours… waiting for him to wake up and check his phone. He finally replied, "Not funny, Ashley." I said nothing, and sure enough two hours later I received a text saying, "Send a picture".

This is part ONE of FOUR blog post about my pregnancy/birth of my twin girls. It is a very long story to make to just one blog post! So stay tuned! The birth will be posted July 18th *THEIR FIRST BIRTHDAY!*, along with a video of the complete journey!

How did you find out you were pregnant? Was it planned or a total surprise? 

Introduction

Hello BLOGGERS!

PHEW, I am finally able to sit down and write you all a little introduction about myself! First off, my name is Ashley and I am 24 years old. I am engaged to the most amazing man God could have made for me and I am extremely excited to be marring him MAY 9^th 2014. I am the only girl of five brothers, so typically I grew up a tomboy. Luckily for Aric (my fiancé), I can be quite the lady (sometimes).  HAHA.  Aric and I have four children, YES FOUR!  We both have a child each from a previous relationship, but neither of us made it on Teen Mom ( I am sure I could have used that money a lot better than some of those girls). Jayden Michael is our very highly intelligent and handsome four year old! He is technically just Aric’s but he has no idea, and I wouldn’t have it any other way! I love that Jayden knows me as his Mom and no one else! I guess being selfish worked out in my favor with that situation! ;)  Kaylee Rainn is our very high strung and beautiful four year old.  Kaylee knows Aric has her Step Dad (but does call him Dad because he has been around for so long). I am very lucky to say that Kaylee has her real dad in her life. Well actually, she is the lucky one; she has two grown men wrapped around her finger! LOL! They are BOTH FOUR and actually only four months apart!!  Aric and I both have miracle twin girls, Emmalee Skye and Madison Rose together (they were a total surprise).  I am trying to lose my pregnancy weight from my very high risk twin pregnancy! WHICH I WILL SHARE ABOUT IN MY NEXT BLOG, just promise me you will have a cup of coffee or some free time because it will be long! I am learning all about this thing we call “parenting” each day while trying to balance being an individual! I have two four year olds that have completely different personalities and 11 month (8 ½ months adjusted) olds that teach me each day to be a better mom!!  I am pretty busy most of the time, I am actually surprised I am making room in my schedule to blog, but I think it good for me, and I hope helpful for you. To be honest, right now I am completely covered in old food, pee, spit up, and I have been sitting in this for the last three hours! My hair is thrown up in the most messy pony tail and I somehow have to get a crazy burst of energy in the next hour so I can shower and make my fiancé a surprise dinner, just to show him I love him. I hope you can join me in my completely crazy, wild, spontaneous (as much as I hate to be), but beautiful life.  

                                                                ONE EXHAUSTED MOMMY! <3