Blood isn't always thicker than water.

I never thought I would put myself in the situation of being a step parent because I have always looked at myself as selfish. I love what is mine and I am passionate about it!

Let me give a little background information on Jayden first.

Jayden was pretty much raised by Aric and Aric's mother and father before we met. Unfortunately, for Jayden's biological mother; she left Aric and Jayden and never came back. I can understand leaving a spouse but I don't think I could ever understand leaving a child. He really only trusted Aric, Grandma, and Grandpa when we met... but who can blame him?

When I first met Aric we both avoided our children meeting each other. We didn't want to introduce them both to someone that may not be around for a while. WHICH I THINK IS BEST FOR ANY SINGLE PARENTS DATING. I think it can mess with their heads and can cause attachment issues, which I did not wish upon his son, let alone my daughter. It was time for me to meet Jayden... I was excited! I was about to meet this handsome little boy I had only heard stories and seen pictures of! I knew this was a big step for our relationship and I was ready. I was having a big cook out at my house that weekend and we both invited a bunch of friends over. I was anticipating the moment Aric and Jayden would arrive at my house. I was excited but still very nervous. Little did I know getting this boy to trust and love me was not going to be easy!  

At first our relationship went well, really well! He attached to me quickly! I loved it and I was so overjoyed that I was able to be in his life. Jayden and I started hanging out every weekend!! Soon, I quit my job and stayed home and watched Jayden and Kaylee full time. I also think that is when Jayden started to notice me more as care taker and his fathers "girlfriend". He didn't like the fact that his father had to split his attention with not only me but Kaylee as well. I couldn't blame him though especially after all he went through as an infant and his life was just starting to seem normal and then Kaylee and I came into the picture. The behavior became more of an issue the first year of Aric and I dating. I blamed myself, I took him from his father, and he has a right to act like this. It soon lead me to be distant with Jayden. I felt like he hated me, when really all he needed was extra love. When I found out I was pregnant I knew something had to change! The outbursts, the hitting, the yelling, the "you are not my grandma... I don't have to listen to you", and the distance needed to be fixed and fast.  I wanted a family and a family with all four of the kids! I would never allow Kaylee to be distant from the family and I could not allow that with Jayden. When Aric and I moved together we decided to become a family... I needed to make sure my family was emotionally and mentally safe. I thought for days on how I could build a strong relationship with Jayden. When I was hospitalized for most of pregnancy is was hard and when the twins were born it was like I had to start from square one with him because he went to living basically at Grandma's and he would only visit me on the weekends. I was heartbroken! Finally, I just said I need to do this, I need to stop trying to be his friend and I need to be his mother! I did just that. I began to love this child more than I could ever imagine loving a child that wasn't mine! How I let him get so distant from me, I don't know because the more we bonded on a level of mother and son I soon couldn't imagine my life without him! Such a sweet, sensitive, adorable, VERY SMART, and loving boy! I felt so lucky to be the mother to this handsome boy! Jayden soon began to call me mom! The moment he called me Mom for the first time my heart exploded! I wanted to snuggle him forever! I knew our relationship was on the level that I wanted. It took so much time but it paid off. I am not just a mother to three kids; I am a mother of four! Even though Aric and I aren't married yet... I am Jayden's mother and I wouldn't have it any other way!

Here are Four important things I did to build my relationship with Jayden.

1. I stopped trying to be his friend, I became his mother.

A friend can love someone but only a mother can love someone unconditionally. A mother is forgiving for all faults and flaws. You have to let go of mistakes the child makes. They are still learning as child would naturally and still learning how this MOTHER AND SON relationship is built (just like you are). LOVE your step child! When the child cries, don't ask why (all the time) just give hugs, kisses, and show extra love. You cannot expect the child to want to open up to you if the child doesn't feel loved by you! Trust is built by the feeling of love. Positive reinforcement is a great way to show love too! I am not saying don't discipline but pick and choose your battles (this goes for all parenting step or not)!

2. Mommy and Child dates. 
You need to spend extra time with your child. Depending how late you come into the child's life you have a lot to make up for when it comes to trust! You need to show that child you are there for him or her! You need to show them you aren't just about making rules in his/her life but you can be fun and you enjoy doing fun things together.

3. Equality.
Make sure you never let your step child not feel equal to anyone in the house! That will cause serious mental and emotional issues. NO ONE PERSON IS GREATER THAN THE OTHER!
4. Constancy.
All children need constancy, that is how they learn.  There will be trials when it comes to being a step parent (like everything in life) but  it is totally worth it in the end not to give up. 

With all this being said, I am so very lucky to have Jayden in my life! He is living proof that blood isn't always thicker than water. He has taught me so much about myself! I do not look at Jayden as my step son, if someone asks he is my son!! I have three beautiful girls and one handsome son! I would have never had a little boy to call mine if it wasn't for Jayden. He has given me such a great gift in life, and I feel so blessed to have four faces looking up at me to call me, MOM!  <3

Jayden and I! We had a mommy and son date to SweetFrog!

Are you a step parent? Have you ever been a step parent? What would be the hardest thing for you to over come as a step parent?